Friday, January 06, 2006

horror of horrors

God help me, but I have it, and I have it bad.

Despite my best intentions and self-directed propaganda, despite regularly sleeping through the night for going on two years now, despite all physical, emotional, and financial reason, I have caught the baby bug like I catch every virus my children introduce to my ineffectual immune system.

Crap.

What is it about babies that make women idiots?  A three-month-old flashes a gummy grin at me and I suddenly forget two very long, uncomfortable pregnancies, two horrific postpartum recovery periods, two very loud, colicky babies, and a combined four years of sleepless nights.  I hold a sleeping baby in my arms, inhaling its sweet baby-scented hair, and I completely blank out about the sciatica, the back and hip pain, the hernia, the stretch marks, and the 70 lbs. finally lost.  The sight of a mother nursing and the realities of the size of our home, our car, or our bank account vanish like Little People under the couch.  I forget that I’m almost eight years older than when I started.  I forget the fear of losing a baby.  I forget the pain of fear becoming reality.  I forget morning sickness, heartburn, and sinus headaches for which I can take nothing.  I forget the 80% chance of conceiving twins once more.  I forget that in two more years I’ll finally have time to myself again.

But then I remember—in two years, I’ll have time to myself again.  Babies grow up.  The bitter and the sweet war internally over the inevitability.  Today was not a good day to go to COSI.

I should have gotten vaccinated.

  

5 comments:

Cynthia said...

heh, heh, heh...

Anonymous said...

newborns take time

Julie Morrison said...

woo girl that was a close one! Maybe you just need to borrow one for a day or two. That will cure ya!
When My husband and I were engaged, we entertained thoughts of having a second family. Our mentors had a beautiful energetic four year old boy. Such a doll! We soon realized we don't have the energy to keep up with a small one anymore...Aside frm the fact that ONE of us would have been pushing the big 60 and the graduation if we started IMMEDIATELY! Nix on the newborns...maybe we'll last until the grandkids come along...

moshpitmarsha said...

Children can be so cute and entertaining. I love the cute and well-behaved children that shop with mainly their mothers where I work. My clock is really beginning to tick. I hope Mr. Right comes soon, since I am ready to have children.

Anonymous said...

i knew it! i apparently knew it before you got the memo. and, yes, i told you so!! he, he, he!